Is it Okay to Feel This Way?
by Zipporah
Summary: Ron is different from everyone else he knows - Now all he has to do is admit it to himself and figure out why. WARNING: SLASH!
1. I don't know what to think anymore...

Title: Is it Okay to Feel This Way?  
  
1 Author: Zipporah  
  
Genre: Humor/Parody/Romance  
  
WARNINGS: Contains EXCESSIVE SLASH! By excessive, I mean EXCESSIVE. By SLASH, I mean boys romantically involved with boys and girls romantically involved with girls. You are warned.  
  
Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine. I am using them without the knowledge or consent of their owners. I am making no money.  
  
Author's notes: Thank you Hurkon, for support and assistance. Thank you in advance to anyone who sends feedback! This is my first attempt at humor - I need to know how it turned out!  
  
  
  
Dear Dairy,  
  
Everyone around me is gay. To begin with, there's my best friend Harry and his boyfriend Draco. That relationship had a shocking beginning. Draco and Harry were fighting, and then Harry said something that made Draco start to cry, so Harry realized that Draco was human after all. That led them to the mutual realization that years of passionate hatred had all been a disguise for passionate love. They've been together ever since. They've spent the last four nights in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, and they've failed to develop puffy eyes. I'll have to remember to ask Harry how he manages that.  
  
My other best friend, Hermione, is gay, too. Her girlfriend is my sister Ginny. No one saw that relationship coming. One night, Ginny had a crush on Harry, and the next morning she woke up to the shocking realization that she was a lesbian! She talked it over with Hermione, and together, they realized that that they were both intelligent, social, kind women with repressed passion for members of their own sex. It's a together forever thing with them now.  
  
Then there are my fellow Gryffindor 6th years, Dean and Seamus. It was always known that they would wind up together. They were best friends, and then they started to want more. At first, they tried to have a secret relationship, just for the illicit thrill of it, but we found out about it pretty quickly. It would be hard not to, considering how loud Seamus can be sometimes.  
  
Remus and Sirius were another obvious couple, as they were the only surviving Marauders. As the professor stood and embraced Black like a lover in third year, they realized exactly how difficult those thirteen years apart had been. They were together within the week; I think they see their relationship as a creative way of honoring the memories of their dead friends, Lily and James, (reportedly the secret lovers of Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy; like I said, everyone's gay.)  
  
Next are Cho and Fleur. They aren't really my friends, as such, but Cho sometimes practices Quidditch with Draco and Harry. Those two, Cho and Fleur I mean, are absolutely perfect for each other. They're both excessively beautiful, smart, and cultured. I simply can't see them with anyone but each other anymore. The days of Cedric and Cho seem so far gone. Cho said it was her old boyfriend's death that was the true catalyst in her self-discovery - what really helped her to understand that she was a lesbian.  
  
Some other acquaintances, Crabbe and Goyle, are a couple as well. But we don't even want to go there. Suffice it to say, DUH!!!  
  
And not just my friends; my whole family is gay. To begin, there is my oldest brother, Bill. He came to Hogwarts to lecture on the Dark Arts last year, not expecting anything odd to happen. Severus Snape came to the lecture to glare at whoever was pompous enough to speak on a topic he was sure he knew more about. But one look at the speaker was all it took to make him realize that this wasn't just A Weasley, it was THE Weasley. The same look made Bill realize that Snape wasn't really a people-hater, just a very shy, very disillusioned, and very handsome man. They got drunk together, and now it's happily ever after for them, too.  
  
My brother Charley found his heart at Hogwarts, as well. A rouge dragon flew him there, and was just about to eat him up when Hagrid, the school's gamekeeper, came to the rescue. His abnormal size allowed him to successfully fight off the rabid beast, and in gratitude, Charley flew into his arms. It didn't take them long to realize that the chaste hug was inspiring feelings within them that were definitely out of the ordinary, and as soon as they kissed, they knew why. I'm not sure if they've consummated their relationship yet (one would hope not), but they seem happy enough with each other, so I guess it doesn't matter too much.  
  
My brothers Fred and George have an odd relationship, too. It's almost like they're one person. They were supposed to be one person - but genetics caused a tragic separation of the divided egg cell in the first days of my mother's pregnancy, so they came out as two. They have sex because when they're joined at the hip literally, they feel emotionally closer to each other than at any other time. Making love allows them to forget that they were ever two separate people. I'm not so sure of the incest thing, myself, but whatever floats your boat, ya know?  
  
But the most dynamic relationship is probably that of my brother Percy and his boyfriend, Oliver. Percy always hated his ministry job, despite dedicating his entire life to getting it, and Oliver opened his eyes to all the other options. With his newfound-lover's help, he realized that he had the talent to make something out of his long-repressed and secret love of music, and that it was okay to have fun. He and Oliver have gone on an extended vacation to Bermuda, and won't be returning until Percy finishes his 9th symphony.  
  
My parents are, too. Despite having had seven children with my father, my mother has always been in love with Minerva McGonagall, and my father can't keep himself from the occasional tryst with Ludo Bagman.  
  
And all of that left only me and my dorm-mate Neville, so OF COURSE we got together. So far, we've had a great relationship. Neville really loves me, especially my eyes. He can go on about my eyes for hours. And I really admire him, too. He's so sweet, and kind, and he works so hard.  
  
But lately, I've been thinking there might be something wrong with me. When I walk down the halls, I sometimes notice a pretty girl. In classrooms, when I'm bored, I'll suddenly find myself staring at a girl's butt. And I've always wondered what it would be like to cup a breast.  
  
I'm feeling very scared, dairy. Is this NATUREL?? What's wrong with me? Why do I feel this way? I wish I had someone to talk to - anyone. I wish I could tell my parents what's going on with me. I wish I knew why I feel this way. I'm not sure of what I want anymore.  
  
Confusedly yours,  
  
Ronald Weasley  
  
  
  
Author's Final Note: I'm debating writing Part II, "Coming Out!" If anyone thinks it's worth my while, please tell me! Write a review, and I'll love you forever! 


	2. "I - There's something I have to tell yo...

Title: Is it Okay to Feel This Way?  
  
1 Author: Zipporah  
  
Genre: Humor/Parody/Romance  
  
WARNINGS: Contains EXCESSIVE SLASH! By excessive, I mean EXCESSIVE. By SLASH, I mean boys romantically involved with boys and girls romantically involved with girls. You are warned.  
  
Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine. I am using them without the knowledge or consent of their owners. I am making no money.  
  
Author's notes: Thank you Hurkon, for support and assistance. Thank you in advance to anyone who sends feedback! This is my first attempt at humor – I need to know how it turned out!  
  
The summer morning dawned bright and cheery; the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and the grass had never been greener. It was just the sort of morning that any romance writer or any of Ron's brothers would have called terribly romantic. But all of this was unnoticed and unappreciated by the youngest Weasley when he finally found the strength to rouse himself around noon. In fact, it was unlikely that anything short of the end of the world or a fight between lovers would have registered in the young man's mind, because it was too occupied with other, more important things.  
  
Yes, that's right. Today was the day. Provided nothing happened to take the boy's mind off his task, this would be the morning of the first day of his new life. No more lies; no more hiding and deceit; no more relationships based on deception and fraud. Because in about twenty minutes, Ron was going to come out of his closet.  
  
**********  
  
An hour later, he had his family primped and rowed up, and ready for anything Hollywood could have decided to throw at them. Mrs. Weasley was sitting on the couch proudly displaying a new bow tie and discussing the latest rap with her daughter. Bill and Charlie were having a heated discussion on the merits of pink vs. purple, and each looked resplendent in his skirt of the appropriate color. Between the two sets, George (or was theat Fred?) And Percy were exchanging make-up tips, and Fred (or was that George?) stood behind the couch with and arm around his twin. He honestly looked as if he'd rather sit down, but couldn't in the tight leather.  
  
But however ready they might have been for fan-shots or hot dates, Ron thought it unlikely that they would be prepared for what he had to tell them. Although acutely nervous and paler than usual, he gathered his courage and loudly cleared his throat to gain the attention of his family.  
  
"I - ," he sputtered nervously. His family looked at him with encouraging smiles. "I - ," he broke into a nervous sweat. "I - there's something I have to tell you." Their smiles grew wider and more encouraging. Ron grew tenser. "It's, well..." he trailed off, but after a few moments, found his voice again. "It's something - about - me."  
  
Ginny rolled her eyes and the twins giggled. "It's okay," Mrs. Weasley told her oldest son fondly. "We already know."  
  
Ron stared at her. "You do?" he asked, dumbfounded. The other six children giggled.  
  
"Of course!" Mr. Weasley told his surprised offspring. "It would have been hard to miss."  
  
Ron felt embarrassed - he had been laboring under the impression that he'd done a good job keeping he's sexuality a secret from his family.  
  
"Come on Ron," his brother Fred said. "Look at who your talking to. How cold we not know?"  
  
Ron looked around him and wondered what his brother meant by that comment.  
  
"And it's not as if Neville is particularly quiet or shy about it, you know," volunteered George.  
  
Ron considered and decided he did not like the direction in which this was headed.  
  
In the next breath, his sister Ginny confirmed his worst fears. "You're a Weasley, aren't you Ron? How could you not be gay?"  
  
Everybody laughed. Ron looked wildly from one face to the next. This was worse than he'd thought! He had to say something now! "But - ,"everyone kept on talking. "But - I'm not!" His family looked at him curiously, and exchanged meaningful little laughs. "I'm not gay!" he repeated, more confidently.  
  
His family looked at him, and he felt his face grow pinker than a boxer hound puppy's belly. "That's what I had to tell you," he solemnly intoned in the shocked silence that met his declaration. "I'm not gay," he told them with a sad and somewhat frightened expression on his face. "I'm straight."  
  
*********  
  
"No you're not," Mr. Weasley broke the silence by telling his son. "You just think you are."  
  
This sudden announcement made it okay for everyone in the family to voice their opinion.  
  
"Ron, honey," Mrs. Weasley began gently, "you have to be sure about this kind of decision. Could this just be a phase you're going through? Did you come up with this on your own, or did someone suggest it to you?"  
  
Charley chimed in with his own opinion. "I know it's hard to be different in this family Ron, but don't you think this is taking it a bit far? I'm sure there are other, better ways of expressing your individuality and rebellion."  
  
Bill looked at his younger brother critically. "Ron, you have a boyfriend already, remember? And he's very happy with you. Until this morning, you were very sure of him, too. There's a deep and meaningful commitment there. Is that something you can justify giving up for a moment in the spotlight and a life without him?"  
  
"Have you considered children, Ron?" Ginny asked her brother. "If you and one of your 'girlfriends' has them, they could be terribly embarrassed by your lifestyle, and they might feel pressured into following your example, and where would that leave them? And can you really justify bringing more Weasleys into the world? I mean, isn't nine enough?"  
  
Fred and George looked at Ron, concern and guilt evident in their faces. "What did we do wrong, Ron?" asked on twin. "We're sorry we teased you, we didn't think it would come to this."  
  
"How did we make you feel like you needed to do this, Ron? We've tried to be good brothers," the other explained. "Just because we tease you doesn't mean we don't love you. What can we say to change your mind?"  
  
"This is a big decision, Ron," Percy told his brother gravely. "And you seem to have made it quickly. Maybe you need to slow down, and consider other things that could be influencing you. I'm sorry if I sound condescending, but this is all rather sudden. This is the first you've said anything about doubting your homosexuality, and already you 'know' that you're straight. You shouldn't be leaping to conclusions."  
  
Ron looked helplessly from one family member to the next, until he'd thoroughly examined the entire row. "I - ," Ron began to tell them. "I can't help it. I like a girl!"  
  
*********  
  
This time, it was Percy who was the first to break the silence. "Ron, I know you think you're attracted to a girl, but how lasting is that likely to be? As long-lasting as your relationship with Neville? I used to date Penelope, remember, but I've never before in my life been as happy as I am with Oliver."  
  
Bill took the floor as soon as Percy had finished. "A girl, Ron, or girls in general?" he asked. "This could just be overactive hormones. It's not uncommon for teenagers to develop little crushes on members of both sexes, but they usually settle down when they're older. Could this 'liking a girl' be a one time thing?"  
  
"Perhaps you're misinterpreting friendship as something deeper," Fred (or was it George?) suggested. "Maybe you see her as a sister, but haven't realized it."  
  
"That's the way we feel for Katie and Angelina," George (or was it Fred?) added helpfully. "You could be mistaking one type of love for a completely different one."  
  
Again, Ron looked helplessly from one family member to the next, until he'd again thoroughly examined the entire row. "I - ," Ron began to tell them. "I can't help it. I think breasts are sexy!"  
  
*********  
  
This time, the silence stretched so long that Ron himself was forced to break it. "It's not so bad, is it?" he asked his family nervously.  
  
Mr. Weasley looked at his son. "Neville will be very upset," he told him. "The boy is honestly in love with you."  
  
But Ron had a reply ready, this time. "He might be happy with me now, father, but he won't be in a few years. I can't love him the way he loves me. Continuing this relationship would only result in pain for both of us."  
  
"Straight intercourse has several serious consequences," Ginny told her brother. "You could impregnate a lover, and then be stuck with a kid to raise and give money to for the next twenty years!" (Mr. And Mrs. Weasley nodded vigorously in response to their daughter's argument.)  
  
"Ginny," he told his sister patiently, "there are ways to avoid conception. Muggles have an entire line of products they call contraceptives. My girlfriend could take birth-control pills, which would influence the hormones in her body and keep her body unfit for a baby. I would wear a condom, which prevents sperm from reaching the uterus. If both of these methods, fail, there is the morning-after pill, which my girlfriend could take to prevent the fetus from developing, or if all else fails, abortion."  
  
Mrs. Weasley looked Ron, maternal love and the pain only a mother can feel for her son shining in her eyes. "But, Ron, you'll be so alone! No one to talk to! No one who understands you! You'll be practically isolated!"  
  
"Did you know," Ron addressed his mother, "that if the world was shrunk to only a hundred people, as many as 89 of them would probably be straight? I know you're worried, but there's no need. I'll be able to find plenty of people who understand me."  
  
*********  
  
"Ron," Charlie told his brother, when it appeared that no one else had anything left to say,"this is difficult for us. But try and give it time. We all just need to adjust."  
  
Ron smiled gratefully at his brother. "That means a lot to me," he told his family. "I can wait." That said, he turned around and walked back to his room. It was as if a ton of bricks that had been weighing him down had suddenly disappeared. He couldn't ever remember feeling better.  
  
A/N: Here's part two! A little long, and a little long in coming, but tell me what you think anyway! Should I write more? I love feedback! 


	3. "If this is your idea of joke, Ron Weasl...

Title: Is it Okay to Feel This Way?  
  
Author: Zipporah  
  
Genre: Humor/Parody/Romance ; too many pairings to name  
  
WARNINGS: Contains EXCESSIVE SLASH! By excessive, I mean EXCESSIVE. By SLASH, I mean boys romantically involved with boys and girls romantically involved with girls. Consider yourself WARNED.  
  
Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine. I am using them without the knowledge or consent of their owners. I am making no money.  
  
Author's notes: Thank you, Corpruga, for looking this over, and huge thanks to everyone who reviewed the first chapters. To be honest, this never would have been finished without that incentive.  
  
  
  
The morning of January first, mere days after a frightened Ron Weasley had come out to his stunned but mostly supportive family, dawned just as beautifully and gaily as it ever did for the family that lived in the Burrow. As far as the eye could reach out the window, there was white. Snow covered hills and plains stretched as far as the eye could see, broken only by a shining frozen lake in the distance. The icicles drooped broodingly, aloof from their surroundings, glinting silver in the sunlight. Despite it's being winter, birds and squirrels chirped and chatted lazily in the post-dawn morning (they stayed through the winter because the Burrow's residents always had a spare bite for them to eat), and sleepy lovers' voices murmured through the cozy house by way of fire grate and ventilation. The scene was soon to be shattered, of course, because seven of the house's nine residents were leaving that morning, to return to school or work.  
  
Ron, one of those soon to be returning to the halls of Hogwarts and the second term of his sixth year, was the last and most reluctant to wake. There were three completely independent and intimately related reasons for this: The first was that Ron was not eager to face his family, who were still a little confused and disappointed at the revelation of his abnormal sexual tendencies. The second was that with school came the other students, and now that he had come to terms with his sexuality, he would have to admit his leanings to his soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend Neville - and things could get messy. Finally, and most simply, he had no desire to end his current dream which featured prominently the witch of his fancy in form fitting robes dispensing frequent sexy come-hither glances in his direction. But all good things must end eventually, and it was for this reason that Ron eventually found the strength to rouse himself, pack, dress, and descend the stairs to greet his family for breakfast.  
  
In the kitchen, he was greeted with the same strained voices and falsely cheerful faces that had been his welcome to the world of the waking since he had come out, a mere three days past. He ate mostly in silence, and with no little bit of self-consciousness, because his twin brothers couldn't seem to stop frowning at his choice of apparel. Ron couldn't see what was wrong with it, himself - he had always thought that baggy blue jeans and a loose t-shirt with cut sleeves was a comfortable and presentable statement to make to the public. Equally, he couldn't have told what his brothers could possibly have against it, it was almost the exact thing worn by his sister Ginny, and they never sized her up like that. And even Percy wore jeans and a t-shirt sometimes, never mind that they were black straight leg jeans and a skin tight t-shirt. Ron lacked the perceptive inclination to pick up on such slight differences.  
  
**********  
  
After the discouraging start to his day, it was with a heavy heart that Ron made his way with his family to platform 9 3/4, where at once he was met with the sight of snogging!Harry'n'Draco (he didn't know, and considered that he was probably happier not knowing, why Harry hadn't been at Hogwarts, and where he had been instead) and butch!Hermione, who after a brief "Hello," abandoned him in favor of Ginny. The sheer normalcy of the scene was almost too much for Ron, but he was fortunately reminded of his life's recently acquired touch of the surreal by his family's abnormally restrained farewell. Ginny, of course, didn't go for the touchy-feely goodbyes, but usually there were plenty of hugs and tears between him and his brothers. While the change in routine didn't seem to trouble Hermione or Ginny unnecessarily, it was unfortunate for Ron that Draco and Harry did notice and devote their combined mental powers to the unnatural scene until such a time as the rest of the clan was out of earshot, at which point they pounced on Ron for information - which he promised to provide, later when they were alone on the Express.  
  
As Ron had anticipated, and even counted on, "later on the Express" never came to be. His two sets of friends immediately set out to find their favorite "private" spots, leaving Ron with nothing to do but contemplate their folly, and his own secret and socially unacceptable crush. Hermione and Ginny were openly making out in the next compartment, and no one was dumb enough to disturb the tough looking girls, with a tougher reputation to go with. Although they were not as audible from his current locale, he would bet money that Harry and Draco were in the mens' toilet three down from the prefects compartment, enthusiastically... enjoying themselves. He, personally, didn't see the attraction. That particular restroom was a tad too much like muggle airplane bathrooms were rumored to be - crazy, daring, and reckless enough for fantasy, but altogether too cramped, public, and stupid for reality. Given the choice, he'd really prefer to think about the gently rounded hips and bosom of the beautiful witch of his dreams, one -  
  
The train's whistle sounded and Ron hurriedly changed into his robes before the train stopped and the doors opened to reveal the cheery, snow-covered grounds of Hogwarts. Upon disembarking, Ron met with a flustered and slightly disheveled Harry and Draco (come straight from the fourth carriage exit), and an equally flustered and disheveled Dean and Seamus, come straight from the Gryffindor common room. Absently, Ron noticed that Neville was no where to be found. Feeling guilty, but nonetheless relieved, he decided not to enquire of the others as to his boyfriend's whereabouts. Instead, he smiled at his friends in greeting, and proceeded with them back to the castle for one last afternoon of break.  
  
**********  
  
In large part because "later on the Express" never came to be, later in the day Ron found himself cornered by Harry and Draco in the sixth year Gryffindor boys' dormitory, confessing everything. The response was everything he could have hoped not for. "You're what?!?" asked a perplexed and slightly stupefied Harry.  
  
"Screw that," Draco glanced at his boyfriend. "YOUR WHAT?!?!" he asked Ron. Not that Draco was concerned, of course - but Harry's best friend being straight, or even worse, publically straight, could have drastic consequences for Harry's image, or even his own. Besides, he didn't want Harry infected with any... straight germs. Not that he believed in such things, but... better safe than sorry.  
  
"Ron," began Harry gently, "Have you really thought about the implications on your lifestyle, considered -"  
  
"- CONSIDERED YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR FRIENDS' FRIENDS, WHAT -"  
  
"- what such a decision could mean for your career -"  
  
"- CAREERS, HARRY'S CAREER, MY -"  
  
"- my confidence in you remains as strong as ever, but your -"  
  
"- YOUR UTTER STUPIDITY MAKES ME THINK -"  
  
"- think maybe I should fetch Hermione -"  
  
"- GRANGER WILL KNOW WHAT TO SAY ABOUT THIS!"  
  
And they stalked off, much to Ron' relief. That had gone over rather better than he expected, he supposed. Harry had stuck by him (in a manner of speaking) which was really what counted. As for Draco, well, he was always sort of a fair weather friend, anyway. And that meant he only had to listen to one other friend's perspective, which could wait until dinner.  
  
A menacing voice was heard from the stairway, ruining Ron's plan. Never mind that this was the boy's wing, there was no mistaking that it was Hermione on the stairway. Ron concentrated on what she was saying. "Ron Weasley, if this is your idea of a joke..." She swung open the door, stalked in, and one look at her bet friend told her that no, this probably wasn't a joke. And if it was, well then, the joke was on the youngest Weasley himself because as far as she was concerned, his voice, expression, posture, attire, manner, position, location, and attitude all clearly cried out "STRAIGHT!" to anyone who was looking. In short, weather he knew it or not, Ron was definitely into girls.  
  
And really, thought Hermione, there was no point in banging your head against a brick wall. Drastic times, she decided, called for drastic measures. "There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals," she seriously informed Ron. "Techniques have been developed that might allow you to change if you really want to. Have you considered aversion therapy?"  
  
Baffled, Ron shook his head. Hermione continued. "I'll have to find you a therapist -"  
  
"But do be careful," broke in a concerned Harry, "to get someone... appropriate. I mean, could you really trust a heterosexual therapist to be objective? Wouldn't he or she be inclined to suggest to you his or her own leanings?"  
  
"Good point, Harry," Hermione applauded. "And it's a good thing you came to get me. No offence," she added quickly, "but you gay men really can't keep your heads in a crisis. Don't worry, Ron," she continued, blissfully unaware of the dark looks sent her way by Harry and Draco, or of Dean and Seamus entering the room. "We'll have you cured in no time."  
  
"Cured?" asked the notoriously hyperactive and gossipy Irish... Irish... Irishman. "What's got Ron?"  
  
"Ron -" Harry began delicately, only to be interrupted by his impatient boyfriend.  
  
"Ron thinks he's straight," Draco finished.  
  
"Correction," Hermione intoned, "Ron IS straight. But were helping him change that. Changing is a difficult but ultimately rewarding process -"  
  
"STRAIGHT?" asked the normally quiet and decorative Dean, as he moved to block Ron from anyone in the hallway. Couldn't have it getting out, that one of the sixth year Gryffindor boys was a... a...  
  
"Straight?" came a timid voice from the hallway. Everyone looked up and blushed. It was Neville. "What's wrong with being straight?"  
  
Everyone blushed some more. Hermione cleared her throat heavily. Draco coughed delicately. Seamus gigged nervously. Dean fidgeted guiltily. Harry looked down ashamedly.  
  
Neville stared them all down. "There's nothing wrong with being straight," he clarified. "My grandmother would be horrified if she raised a heterophobic grandson. I know it seems weird to some of you, but perhaps you'd be surprised to learn that only 11% of the world is gay? That means that 89%, the majority, is straight. And I know what it's like for them, a little. My brother is straight, and believe it or not, so were my parents."  
  
When no one made any move to unblock the bed, Neville used his new physique (new since fifth year) to push through the assembled students, and on the bed he found admittedly the last person he'd expected - his boyfriend, Ron. "RON?!?!" he yelled. Ron flinched, and Neville winced himself in sympathy. He figured Ron had probably been yelled at a lot already.  
  
Neville considered his options. By far the most attractive one was to break down on the spot and cry for a bit, and he let a single tear slowly make it's way down his face in preparation. A nice hysterical screaming fit was a close second he tightened his throat and opened his mouth slightly, so he was ready to begin at any second. But the drama queen he was at heart ultimately won out, and Neville decided it would be the most fun to shock everyone in the room (and anyone who might be following along) with something a little more outstanding and unanticipated. He gathered his composure, gathered Ron in his arms, and told the shaking body that was trying in vain to move away from him, "It's okay. I was in love with Justin Finch-Fletchly, anyway. Didn't he just break up with Ernie McMillan? I've been thinking he should for a while - that boy is just dull. Justin deserves someone much better."  
  
Everyone stared. Ron's mouth dropped open, revealing that he had forgotten to brush his teeth that morning. Neville decided it was a good thing that Ron was his ex - he didn't like kissing people with morning breath. He left that to the less fastidious, like Ginny, and Cho.  
  
"So," Neville continued as if there was nothing out of the ordinary, and his boyfriends announced that they were actually straight every day. "Who's the lucky girl?"  
  
Ron blushed, but answered anyway. Head hidden in his hands, he whispered, "Pansy Parkinson..."  
  
Neville threw his across the bed so fast, one would think he had either cooties or straight germs. "Pansy? Pansy Parkinson? PANSY PARKINSON? You left me for HER?!? She," he looked as if it hurt to say it. "She... SHE wears BLUE with ORANGE!!" All of the gentlemen present began to look sick.  
  
"So?" asked Ron, mightily confused. "It makes her legs look long..."  
  
Hemione shook her head at Ron while all of the other boys in the room exchanged horrified glances. Well, all but one. Draco had passed out on the floor. Harry quietly placed him on the nearest bed, then ran to the bathroom to throw up. Dean, Seamus and Neville weren't far behind him.  
  
Ron flopped back on his bed, content to contemplate Pansy's behind and leave the mysteries of color-coordination to his friends. Really, it seemed like an awfully painful thing to think about, as far as he was concerned... 


	4. I get by with a little help from my frie...

Title: Is it Okay to Feel This Way?  
  
Author: Zipporah  
  
Genre: Humor/Parody/Romance WARNINGS: Contains EXCESSIVE SLASH! By excessive, I mean EXCESSIVE. By SLASH, I mean boys romantically involved with boys and girls romantically involved with girls. You are warned. Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine. I am using them without the knowledge or consent of their owners. I am making no money. Author's notes: Thank you Corpruga, for support and assistance. Thank you in advance to anyone who sends feedback! You're like bright rays of sunshine on an otherwise cloudy day.  
  
"Walk the walk, and talk the talk." mumbled a confused Ron Weasley to his best and very gay friend Harry Potter. When Ron had told Harry and all of his other friends two weeks ago that he was straight, Harry hadn't taken it as well as Ron had hoped. But with the help of Ron's ex-boyfriend Neville (who was now going out with Justin Finch-Fletchly from Hufflepuff, and was currently Ron's biggest supporter) they had gotten their friendship back on track (much to the chagrin of Draco, Harry's boyfriend). This was Harry's first big effort at make things The Way They Used To Be. He was attempting to teach Ron how to seduce the girl of his fancy, one Pansy Parkinson. Unfortunately, Ron didn't really seem to get anything he was saying.  
  
"Now you've got it, Ron!" exclaimed Harry in a falsely cheerful voice, with a wide and fake grin decorating his face. "Walk the Walk," he demonstrated as he instructed, "and talk the Talk," he whispered in what he thought was a seductive voice. It wasn't really, but Harry had no way of knowing that because the only person he'd tried it on was Draco, and as far as Draco was concerned, everything Harry did, no matter how stupid, was really sexy.  
  
Ron just shook his head, baffled. "No, I don't 'got it,'" he wined to his friend. "I can say it, but I have no idea what you mean. What's with all the out of place articles, anyway? Why can't I just walk and talk? Like I always do?"  
  
Harry shook his head at Ron's complete naiveté. He really hoped being straight wasn't contagious, because it seemed really boring to him. He decided he needed to elaborate a bit, for the sake of his mentally deficient friend. Or maybe it was emotionally deficient? Harry remembered reading somewhere that if a father wasn't sensitive enough with a young son, the son might grow to emulate the mother, especially in matters concerning his choice in partner. He'd ask Draco to look it up later. For now, he needed to instruct Ron if his best friend was to have any hope of snagging the girl of his dreams. He wondered what the big deal was, though - weren't straight men supposed to be after everything in a skirt? Or at least, he amended, everything female and in a skirt.  
  
"When you walk, Ron," he said in his most patronizing voice, "you just put one foot in front of the other. When you Walk, though," he grinned the frightening grin again, "you add a certain style to it. You wiggle your hips a bit, like this." he showed his friend, "and you sorta let your shoulders follow it, ya know," Ron didn't, "and you walk on the balls of your feet, so you look lighter." Harry pranced across the Common room and back in a way that emphasized his chest and rear end. Privately, Ron thought he looked very silly, but he decided to go along with it for the sake of friendship. He pranced across the room as much like Harry as he could.  
  
Unbelievably, Ron looked even worse than Harry had. He fell in the middle of the return. After half-limping back to his friend, Ron announced that he thought he'd sprained his ankle. Harry mentally shook his head in disgust, and decided that he'd have to really apply himself to teaching Ron the Talk, because his Walk was way below standard, and if they tried it again, Ron might be seriously injured. Or maybe Harry would - a person could only take so much damage to the eyes before they gave out.  
  
"Good job," he congratulated his friend in a strained voice. "That'll do for now," he announced to keep Ron from getting his hopes up for another performance. Although he didn't show it, Ron was secretly quite relieved, and hoped that whatever Harry had in mind next was a little. tougher. Brawnier. More chauvinistic. More feminine. His hopes, he soon realized, were in vain.  
  
"First," Harry told Ron, "we'll work on your Voice."  
  
"What's wrong with my voice?" Ron was very surprised - he'd always been told he had a very nice voice; musical and mellow, they'd told him. Of course, no one had said that since he had come out. He wondered if announcing his sexuality had changed him physically, too.  
  
"Nothing's wrong with it," Harry was quick to confirm Ron's suspicion that his voice really wasn't suitable for seduction (in Harry's terms, at least) "but we can add just a little pizzazz."  
  
Ron really didn't like the sound of 'pizzazz.' Nevertheless, he heard Harry out, and attempted to add the proper amounts of lust, breathlessness, innocence, awe, and adoration to his Voice. Eventually, Harry gave up on that one too, pronounced himself satisfied, and told Ron, "All that's left is something to say!" This was something Ron couldn't mess up, Harry knew, because ultimately he himself was in control.  
  
Ron listened carefully to Harry's instruction. "What you need," Harry told him authoritatively, "is a pick up line. Try this one: 'Is that something in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?'"  
  
Ron repeated it to himself, a little unsure. With Harry's repeated assurances of his own success with the line (assurances that, knowing Draco, Ron was forced to believe) Ron practiced it. Harry told him to use the Voice. Ron practiced again, this time with the Voice. Ron told him to try it once more for good measure, and as Ron once again trotted out the line, Dean and Seamus walked into the common room looking rumpled, satisfied, and plenty the worse for wear. They didn't seem to find it the least bit strange that their friend was practicing pick up lines.  
  
But Seamus did object to Harry's choice. "Harry!" he wined. "Ron is trying to get a date, not seduce the girl. Here, Harry try something a little more innocent. Try 'I bet you'd like to fly. Wanna let me ride your broomstick?'"  
  
Ron said nothing. "Go on!" urged Seamus. "It might be the perfect line."  
  
Guessing that Seamus knew more about these affairs than he did, Ron did as he was told, and mumbled the line. "Louder," Seamus commanded. Ron complied. After the second run through, Seamus decided Ron needed to see the line in action to get a better feel for it. "Like this," he told the boy, and he turned to Dean and repeated what he'd told Ron to say in the same sexy Irish brogue that the entire sixth year had been trying to copy since as long as they could remember. It had the desired effect, and Dean whisked Ron's instructor away so quickly they left skid marks.  
  
"Like that," Ron said.  
  
"Like that," Harry repeated, quickly committing the line to memory for further trial later that night in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom.  
  
"I bet you like to fly," Ron told the air on his left and opposite Harry. "Wanna let me ride your broomstick?" Just as he finished the line, Justin and Neville walked into the common room, and they too seemed to have the sixth sense that allowed them to soak up the situation quicker than a sponge soaks up water.  
  
"Bad, Ron," Neville told him confidently. "You need something more original. No one can resist original wit. Try 'I can tell you like to play drums by that nice drumstick in you pocket.'"  
  
Wondering what chicken had to do with pick-up lines, Ron practiced the line once. Neville decided that Ron was probably not the sort to improve with practice, and suggested that he go and find Pansy. Looking hopeful for the first time since his training session had begun, he left the Common room. Had he turned around, he would have seen that Justin and Harry were looking at Neville as if he'd lost his mind. "What?" he asked them. They looked some more. Neville calmed their fears. "I figure he might be better when faced with an actual gu-irl."  
  
The other two boys nodded sagely.  
  
Meanwhile, Ron was making his way down the corridor, hoping beyond hope that Pansy would be in the next one. Luck or some deity was obviously with him, because as soon as he turned the corner, he was confronted with a vision of the rear end that had haunted his dreams since as long as he could remember - which was all of about two months. "Pansy!" he called after her. She turned, and to Ron's inexperienced but hopeful eye she looked quite interested.  
  
Ron almost chickened out, but one look at the lovely face of Pansy Parkinson, complete with round cheeks and that adorably puggy nose, convinced him that it was now or never, and he just had to know. He cleared his throat, and with the Voice that Harry had taught him in mind, he asked, "Is that something in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"  
  
Pansy looked adorably confused and more than a little angry.  
  
Ron thought that Seamus must have been right after all, and so he tried again with, "I bet you like to fly. Wanna let me on your broomstick?"  
  
Pansy rolled her eyes in a completely sang-froid gesture. Ron desperately gave it one more shot. "I can tell you like to play drums by that nice drumstick in you pocket."  
  
Apparently, Pansy could no more see the relationship between chicken and pick-up lines than Ron could because at that point she rolled her eyes, turned her back, and began to walk away. Something, however, made her turn back, and upon so doing, she was confronted with a very dejected (not to mention sexy, she thought) Ron Weasley. She smiled a cruel little smile, and decided to see what happened if she told him, "Better not lean too far forward, or they might fall out."  
  
If nothing else, Ron had the presence of mind to see that he was being made fun of, and so he blushed.  
  
Pansy tried another one. "They look like quite a handful, doll, you want some help with those?"  
  
This time, Ron blushed redder than a newly painted fire truck racing down the road with sirens blaring, glinting in the bright sunlight.  
  
Pansy thought of one more and couldn't resist. "I bet you can carry a lot of water with jugs like those, baby."  
  
Much as Pansy had done earlier, Ron turned around and began to walk away, but before he got very far, Pansy called, "Ron!"  
  
Ron pirouetted back around, almost tripping over his own feet, and began to clear his throat to respond with the right inflection, when Pansy interrupted him to say, "With a normal voice this time, please."  
  
If nothing else, Ron could follow instructions. "Yes?" he asked her.  
  
Pansy smiled a secret smile and asked politely, "Let's start over. Are you trying to ask me out, Ron Weasley?"  
  
Ron turned whiter than a drained lily baptized in bleach on Easter Sunday, and meekly responded, "Yes."  
  
"Did your friends try to help you?" she asked hopefully. She knew most of them, because Draco often brought them to the Slytherin common room. That was where she'd met Ron, come to think of it, but hadn't he been all over Longbottom? She supposed it didn't matter now.  
  
"Y-Yes," Ron told her. Pansy smiled. Ron decided that quiet affirmative would be his tone for the rest of the interview.  
  
"I know a good straight bar in Hogsmead," Pansy informed the stunned boy succinctly. "You can pick me up next Friday at eight."  
  
"Okay." Ron sure knew how to stick to a plan.  
  
"I'll see you in the common room - Draco will tell you the password."  
  
"Okay." Ron wondered if he ought to share this method of getting a date with his friends. It seemed to work much better than any of theirs.  
  
"Bring flowers. I like roses," she told him.  
  
"Okay."  
  
"And Ron?" she asked just as he was turning away. "No more advice, okay? No more pick-up lines, either."  
  
Ron just nodded and walked back to Gryffindor to inform his friends of his success.  
  
Pansy Parkinson smiled her devious smile. She knew how she liked her men.  
  
Three days later, Ron returned to the Gryffindor common room at eleven o'clock with a grin on his face that convinced even the most skeptical of his friends that the date had gone well. The careful and complete interrogation that followed his entry revealed that those convinced had not been misled. They satisfactorily concluded that, minor differences like sexual preference and social circles aside, Ron and Pansy were fated to live happily ever after in much the same manner as each of them was doing. "Or at least," Draco told his lover later that night as they were curled up on the transfigured bathroom stall-now-bed, alone and wrapped in each others arms, "as happy as any straight couple will ever be. And, given their personalities and tendencies, that's the best they can ever hope to get."  
  
Final Author's Notes: Thank you for reading, anyone who got to the end. This has been a pleasure to right, and I hope a pleasure to read as well. Please, if you believe in human compassion, review. I crave feedback. I live on feedback. I adore reviews. Finally, thanks again. And please, please review! 


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